I remember my first kiss vividly… everyone does right? I was in sixth grade and I was a nervous wreck. After it happened I texted my mom off of my boyfriends phone(mine was dead like it always is) and quickly deleted the text so he wouldn’t see. Leading up to this kiss I had asked my mom if it was okay for me to kiss someone. Ever since I was little I was sort of a prude… like OMG you can’t kiss someone!!!! EW!

I didn’t have another boyfriend until my freshman year of high school and the time between then was spent “kissless”… other than a harmless game of truth or dare actually. lol. I’ve always gotten super weird when it comes to the matter of sex or anything of the sorts. We dated for about nine months and never did “the thing”. I do believe that is one of the reasons things didn’t work out so do I regret that? Thinking about it now, not one bit. But at the time I was a self conscious 15 year old. It made me feel like in order to be good enough for a boy you had to be willing to have sex with them. Well now, I am more mature and I am here to tell you girls that that is not the case.

I remember he quickly moved on and the whole school seemed to let me in on that. Meanwhile, I was an awkward girl just trying to figure out who I was. You know, why didn’t I just have sex? It couldn’t be that bad. It’s not a big deal right. I now know that that different people are going to have varying perspectives on this. I tried being what some would deem “wild”. It didn’t work out. That’s just not me. I am not “sexy”. I am not “hot”. I am “kind”, I am “cute”, and I am “pretty”. I used to think that had a bad connotation to it. Who would want to be with a girl who is just kind? That’s lame right? No! That is good. Be the good girl. Be the girl your Grandpa would be proud of(Love ya Kirby). Be the girl that puts a smile on other peoples faces. The girl that is genuine to herself and her values.

You don’t need to give yourself up for a silly boy if you don’t want to. You need to be who your heart leads you to be. Your heart may take you down a variety of paths before finding a steady one but you will get there eventually. You will one day feel content. Am I there yet? Maybe… it feels like I am pretty close at least.

Songs I listen to when thinking about this:

*Ps. I am sappy and sometimes ya gotta cry it out to a couple sad songs first okay

• We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off by Elle Eyre
• Boys Like You by Anna Clendening
• Sit Still, Look Pretty by Daya
• Most Girls by Hailee Steinfeld
• Hide Away by Daya
• Rise Up by Andra Day (I listen to this song every day no matter the circumstances)xoxo, Dash of Pink and Sass